XXX

I remember clearly on my 15th birthday thinking, ‘Wow, I am halfway to thirty.’ What different experience thinking, ‘Wow, I am halfway to sixty!’ The second half of those fifteen years went so much faster than the first, of course they were so much more eventful—a lot less years spent pooping in a diaper. How fast must the next thirty go. How much more eventful.
I have never dreaded my thirties. I think they will be amazing. Most of my twenties were spent finishing school, in therapy learning not to be gay, coming to terms and then rejoicing in said gayness, learning to think on my own, love with reason, and accept the facts of this life—the joyous and the harsh. I imagine thirty’s to be filled with real living, no longer attempting to answer every question, but seizing every moment. Hopefully seeing some dreams/goals come to fruition.
I am starting my next decade in a state of serenity that evaded me when I began the previous decade. I adore my family, every aspect of them. I have a man I intend to spend my life with. I have two puppies, a house, some degrees, a ‘career,’ a career dream, self-awareness and assurance, a non-conflicted (at least comparatively) relationship with God, lots of tattoos, and tons of debt. Ok, I’d like to erase the debt part by my next decade, but still…
Of course, I am tempted to try to be deep and enlightened. I am tempted to list all my worries. I am tempted to ramble about all the things I would like to be better at over this next decade.
This, instead, is what I will say. I have never been more grateful for life I have been given, namely due to the people I have been given in my life, including, myself. It is true the more you have, the more you have to loose. However, the more opportunity one has for loss and hurt, the more love is actually present. I never dreamed life would be as wonderful as it really is, or as hard at times. I give thanks to God for the life He continues to bestow and the gifts He continues to allow me to enjoy.
As Tim McGraw says, “Damn, I’m hot!” Actually, I have never heard him say that, but if I were him, I for sure as hell would. Then I would have Faith sing to me and get me a cheeseburger. So, as he really says, here’s to ‘my next thirty years!’ Lord willing… :)

poem

Ivy and Brick

Its obsession, the spring of its existence
Its passion, the nourishment that prompts insistent growth
Its adulation, the quest to flourish higher and higher
Its love, the purpose to embrace every inch

Wrapping ever tighter, never close enough
Wrapping ever more copiously, lush foliage tenderly caressing
Wrapping ever devoted, seeking a path inside
Wrapping ever more secure, only safe when entwined

Cold and hard, ever unswerving and immobile
Solid to the core, unaware of adoration enfolding
Unmoved, neither enraptured nor concerned
Crumbling, the only response