Monday, July 04, 2011


I leap
I leapt

My wings were clipped
Gravity was too strong
Until I heard wind on snow

You leap
You leapt

Am I the wings or are you?
Am I the feathers or are you?
Maybe you’re the wind

We leap
We leapt

Hand in hand
Fall and crumble
Rise and soar

Still Leaping
Will always leap

Ride the currents with me
Reach the stars with me
Fold our wings around each other

Friday, July 01, 2011

prepare for liftoff

What a whirlwind. Insane! I’ve pretty much come to terms that I’m not even going to begin to write the next book this summer. After a little remorse, I’ve come to terms with that. So much is happening and everything (mostly) is wonderful. In the mostly category, please keep my family’s financial and baby issues in your prayers please.
In the wonderful category, my photography business is now up and running. Still have to get some minor details ironed out, but it’s all good thus far. Please check out the website:, and like it on facebook if you’d like. There’s a lot of steps in starting a business, many I haven’t even realized yet. And, pray that it will take off by mid-August to the point I don’t have return to massage. I don’t think I can face that again. It’s like part of my soul had died and is slowly coming back to life—or quickly (of course, we all know that not doing massage isn’t the only [or main] reason for returning to life).
It really seems that fear is a must for greatness and wonderful things happening in life. Starting my own business built on one of my dreams and talents is terrifying. Terrifying. Trying to get my books published is even scarier—gotten more rejection since the last time we ‘spoke.’
Opening my heart has been the scariest of all, which only makes sense. Less than when we first started, but still too often to enjoy, fear over-takes me around Smokey changing his mind and just walking away. I know those fears are normal for everyone, and especially for me since I’ve already been on the receiving end of a turn and bolt maneuver.
That being said, things (somehow) get better every day. More confirmation that I’m not psychotic and really did know that this is the man I’ll marry. More enjoyment and peace being in his arms and presence. Simply falling more in love with him every day. Gives me the courage to pursue even more of my dreams, not give up on the ones I’d already started, and start to be Brandon again. All the while finding enough love in myself to desperately want to do the same for him. It feels like everything that came before was practice to get me ready, to break me so that I could give of myself fully, to strip away all I was, all the weight that held me down so that I could fly. So that we can fly.