Completely Fallen

We had been dating three or so months, and only been official a few weeks. We were talking to some friends on the balcony of Jrs, a local gay bar. Chad’s arms were wrapped around me, our fingers intertwined, frequent small kisses, occasional serious ones. I’m not sure if we lost contact with each other for more than a moment all evening. One of our friend’s date asked how long we had been together. We told him. He smiled and nodded. “That’s what I thought. Just wait until you’ve been together a year or so. You’ll yell at each other to quit touching you.” I just laughed, but inside, I thought, ‘That won’t be us. If we’re not like this all the time, then we won’t be together. What’s the point?’
It’s been a little over a year now. We don’t hold each other like our lives depend on it in public anymore. We talk to our friends and smile at each other once in awhile. We don’t hug and kiss the moment we get home, we start getting things done that need to be done. He doesn’t turn and wave after he gets out of the car when I drop him off for work. He goes inside and I head on my way to work. We don’t have sex every night of the week or a couple times every night of the week. We manage to get together several times a week. Sometimes for ten minutes and in a calm manner, sometimes we bring the walls down. We don’t text each other twenty times an hour. We do our jobs and we text a couple times a day, if there’s time.
Do I miss how things used to be? Yeah, I do. If I had to choose what we had then or what we have now, which one would I pick? That’s easy. Now. I am more in love with him now that I have ever been before. I am more in love with him now than I have ever been in love with anyone in my life. I love him so much, that it is at times an ache, present through everything I do.
Sure, he could leave tomorrow. He could say he’s bored. He wants to club more. I’m too fat. I’m too short. I’m too dull. He could. Anyone could. That’s life, and that’s love.
Life isn’t the fairy tale I always dreamed it would be. There aren’t flowers everywhere we go. We fart, belch, and get on each other’s nerves. There is no one in the world that can hurt me as much or as quick with a simple look or a word not said. Nor is there another person who can make my heart soar and make me feel as loved with a touch or a kiss.
What’s my reason for writing? Do I ever have a real one? It is just where I am in my life at the moment. With the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. With the man I trust more than anyone. With the man whose presence has helped me pray again, even if he doesn’t.
I never knew life could be this wonderful or this normal. What a strange combination. Wow…