I went to rather scary places today after the unflattering book review. Despite all my self-talk, despite knowing that it was just another person’s opinion, despite all my educated/rational/enlightened bullshit, I let it whittle away and ruin my day. Making it very hard to teach, making me very edgy with the kids (which, I was award of and may have overcompensated by being more patient/indulgent than I actually should have), and even left me questioning my reality with Smokey. All those old feelings of worthlessness, craziness, delusions, and doomsday rhetoric came flying back and left me defeated. And, this with all kinds of support rolling in just from a blog and a facebook post. I had myself mostly back together when I met Smokey at home, but it wasn’t until he took me in his arms and spoke calm wisdom that I began to really breathe again. I was going to blog a ton about this, about all the inner turmoil today, but I don’t want to. No more power to that negativity. And, as another writer also reminded me, I’m writing the books I want to write, the way I want to write them. That will end when I get an agent/publisher (at least to a certain degree). I should enjoy that while I have it!
--Oh, and a correction: the reviewer didn’t say it made her skin crawl; she said I set her teeth on edge. Poor girl needs to get braces!
Black Coffee Tables
1 year ago