Gay Morailty? It's funny, 'cuz it's true. . .

Confession time:
In order to live life as a gay man, I have had to reject the values I grew up with and that were instilled into my very fiber. I have had to come to believe that the Bible is not 100% accurate or factual (or simply that sections are not what is the core of who God is, but simply a reflection of the culture it in which it was written). I was taught to never lie, cheat, covet, steal, kill, act impure, or write down or tell others all the secrets of my life (they will always come back to ruin you). Obviously, I have rejected that teaching as well. If anyone is the king of over-sharing, it is me. Some would say that I have simply used justification and twisted fact and truth to suit my own needs and desires. Easier than actually staying in therapy and having faith for God to change me, right? I’m not so sure. Walking this path is not easy either, although I will admit, I have much more peace and contentment in this state of being than in my previous.
The problem with rejecting values and beliefs you were raised with is, ‘where do you stop?’ If one thing was inaccurate or untrue, then it goes to follow that other things are too. For instance, we were taught to never lie, under any circumstances. Looking back, I remember conversations where we discussed if we had been alive in the Holocaust. What would we do if we were sheltering people in our home so they would not be murdered? What if a Nazi knocked on our door (you see, I come by my overly dramatic self naturally) and asked if we were hiding people? If you tell the truth, you and the hidden are sure to be killed. If you lie, then, well, you are lying. Wrong! Sinful! Always tell the truth and trust God to do His will. Well, if I am ever transported back to the Holocaust and a Nazi knocks on my door when I have people hiding under my trap door (not a sexual reference!) I am gonna lie to the fucker.
So, where do you stop? When are some things simply black and white? It would be easy to reject everything and live a purely hedonistic and self-absorbed life. I started down that path myself for a few years. I found it empty, dark, and joyless. Maybe sex really is best kept in a loving, trusting, real relationship. Go figure!
I was faced with what many would consider less than a bleep on the morality scale yesterday. I had jerked around and messed up a homework schedule. I needed to perform an assessment on some students and have another of my classmates observe me and give feedback. It was due at midnight last night, and I don’t even have an opportunity to be with my kids until Thursday. I talked to a couple of my classmates. A few of them didn’t do the assignment either. They simply made it up and typed a fictional report. Honestly, I am so disillusioned with grad-school and the pointlessness of playing the game for a piece of paper, that I don’t have much of a problem doing that. (The idealistic fifteen year old in me just flipped me off and died.) However, this professor is one that that has gone out of her way for me on several occasions, helped me have courage to quit my job, and genuinely cares and believes in the process we are undertaking. It is not a game to her, as it is to so many of the other professors. She doesn’t expect us to play the game. She expects realness. Making up a paper for her would not be playing the game. Making up a paper for her would be lying. If I did not make up the paper, I would get a bad grade in the class or have to withdrawal and take the course again next semester, causing me to stay in grad school longer. What is a recovering fundamental fag to do?
Well, I wrote a paper discussing an assessment and observation that I had overseen while I was teaching in the Spring. I turned that in. I also turned in a page telling her that I had procrastinated and messed up the assignment, and that I will take what she recommends—the bad grade or the withdrawal.
I value that I will be able to look her in the eye with honor, and that I give her the same consideration and respect she gives to me. No grade or easy shortcut is worth sacrificing that. Plus, as far as I know, no minority will die if the truth was told in this instance. Unless someone reads this and kills me. (I still find it fascinating that I am technically a minority. I should start a club! Oh, yeah, we already have one, the gay bars. I forgot.)
Still, the question remains and other moral dilemmas and hazy situations are on their way. What is truth and goodness? Do those concepts apply for those of us whose very existence and way of life contradicts those values of so many? Of course they do. Still, though, where is the gray appropriate, and where should we use more definitive shades to color our lives?
Regardless, I think God smiled on His little red-headed gay boy last night.