Yesterday was the big day. I wasn’t overly nervous until Smokey and I were sitting in church. Then the heart started racing and the wanting to hide in a corner began.
Then, before I knew it, we were in Boulder and then it was over. It took about five or six hours for my heart rate to slow back down and for the headache to dissipate.
The book talk/signing went well. People said they couldn’t tell I was nervous. People say a lot of things. I got the crowd to laugh several times, which is good. Maybe strange too since my books aren’t funny. Overall, though, it was really cool. I kinda feel like what brides say on their wedding day. They look back and just see a big blur, the details clear here and there, but mostly lost in an unreality. I think part of me just went on autopilot.
While I wish it had been a book talk/signing that I’d been sought out for—instead of the other way around, I was aware that I was in one of those moments. One I’ve dreamed about for so long. One that so many people never get to experience. I’m so grateful for that!
I had about ten dear friends show up, which was wonderful, and for which I am so extremely grateful. To the point that one of the other authors commented about my turnout compared to the rest of them. My friends are amazing, it’s true. However, considering I contacted several hundred people multiple times. . . Well, it obvious who my friends are—and what wonderful, beautiful friends they are! For those of you who contacted me because of sickness, cars, life, etc., thank you so much for your continued support and love. You humble me and honor me so greatly, and are a huge reason while I am able to continue fighting.
One of the coolest parts, to me, was a teacher who had brought his high school student. They came up after to talk. (Hi, Grey! Gonna have to steal your name for a character sometime—I love it!) The student was so nervous that he was trembling. To him, I was an actual author. He wants to write fantasy and was asking my advice and experience. I wished I had more to offer him, but was touched that he cared about anything I would have to say. (If you ever come across this writing, thank you for being there, taking a part, and honoring me with your questions. Fight for what you dream of, for what you want. I will do the same. I hope we have a book signing together one day!)
Black Coffee Tables
8 years ago
4 comments:
“However, considering I contacted several hundred people multiple times. . . Well, it obvious who my friends are—and what wonderful, beautiful friends they are!”
Wow…Brandon, I think you’re relationship with Steven is wonderful and I know has consumed a lot of your time lately, but part of the reason I didn’t bother to come to the signing is that I’ve reached out to you so many times over the past 6 months as I’ve gone through crap and haven’t received the dignity of a response, let alone actual face-time. So is it fair to think that I SHOULD support you at something that is not crucial when you won’t reciprocate when your friends are going through sincerely difficult times? Sorry for the cliché, but you have to be a friend to have a friend.
-One of the several hundred
Anonymous...don't rain on Brandon's parade. I, too, am ONE of the several hundred. Find it in your heart to wish him all the best. If you didn't want to go to the book signing, that is your choice. It is your choice not to support him, but stop raining on his parade!
On the flip side. Brandon, just curious why you have not responded to Anonymous' comment. He does have a point about FRIENDSHIP. It does work both ways. How can friends really become your friends when you don’t give them a chance?
Since you asked me a direct question, I will respond.
The reason I have responded is this:
The sender was anonymous. I honestly I have NO idea who wrote this response. The only thing I will say in my defense is that I didn’t mean for the blog to come off as bitchy. I really was thankful for those who showed, and, to me, they really did show me their friendship. However, there are plenty of others who are true and genuine friends who were not able to come or were simply to busy to come or wanted to do other things with their time. I have no delusions that my books signing was the center of anyone else’s world but my own. As far as the reply to my blog—if the person that wanted to vent so fiercely didn’t have the gumption to state a name, it really doesn’t deserve a response. I almost didn’t post it, but I am quiet frank in my blog, and as long as there is nothing too offensive, the comments can be too. I don’t pretend to be perfect or have it altogether or handle everything perfectly. I don’t need to pretend to by hiding a scathing post from someone else. I have no clue who sent the response. One of my weaknesses is that if I am hurt by someone, annoyed, or simply don’t feel that I don’t want to be in that friendship, I tend to let it just go instead of being proactive and confrontive. Having no idea who this person is, I don’t know why things are the way they are. And, as cold as it may be, I have a ton of friends on different levels, some acquaintance level, some very, very deep. Between all the work, all the book stuff, all the family stuff, all the friend things, and at times just taking a moment to myself, I don’t have much to give. My best friend and I have only each other about once a month lately due to how our lives are going. I have met many, many people through the blog, through websites about writing, through education, some who are comfortable with the level of friendship I have to offer, some not. That is fine. I quite trying to be the end all be all to everyone a long time ago. I’ve also quit trying to be everyone’s best friend—I don’t have it in me. Nor do I have the energy to hash through every detail with every person when things aren’t perfect. Take it or leave it. Like me or not. I grew tired of putting everyone else’s need above my own and trying to take care of everyone else. There are a select few friends that are like family to me and I will move heaven and earth for them, the rest may/will come and go. And, I’m fine how that goes. If this person feels like I haven’t been a good friend, then I haven’t been. For whatever reason. My advice to him or her, cut the ties—obviously I’m not a friend they want. Fair enough. Welcome to life. I’ve had plenty of friends who haven’t had time for me either. I don’t want to hurt anyone, and I truly do feel sorry for the times I do.
Brandon - I now have a better understanding of why you did not respond to Anonymous.
I also got a better understanding of you, your view of friendship, and life. Woo hoo for you for stating so. It is good to see that you are, truly, moving on with life. Good health to all, especially with friendship.
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