amigos

It seems the majority of people I meet in this world (not that I meet people from other worlds, often anyway) do about as much self-introspection and analysis as an ant. Although, now that I think of it, I have never really spent much time in deep discussion with an ant, maybe my assumption is unfair. Either way, the point remains. Seemingly, the vast majority go through life without a thought any deeper than what happens to be flitting through their pretty (or not so pretty) little minds at the time. They give no contemplation of the effect of their actions on others or the world around them.
So what if Bob hears that I called him a slutty whore? Like he has feelings. Like it matters that if he really is a whore or not. Who cares if saying such things effect his reputation or his relationships. I am irritated that he forgot to call me on my birthday, therefore, Slutty Whore!
So what if I continue to sleep with Sheryl? No, I don’t have any real feelings for her. I know she has a crush on me, but that is not my problem. She is offering it, it is there for the taking—I’m no fool. I can mess around with her until I find someone I really want to be with. She’s a big girl, she can deal.
So what if I get wasted every night? The drugs help me unwind a little and be freer. The alcohol helps me not worry about everything going wrong. No, I don’t remember who I slept with last night or where I was, what’s the big deal? So, I got into another fight and wrecked my car again? I am young. I am having fun. I have to live life, man. One is all you get! So where are we partying this weekend?
Most of the people I surround myself with seem to be fairly deep. It is a trait I look for in my friends. They are all deep in different ways. Not all are brilliant. Not all are polite. Not all are humanitarians. However, all of them give thought to the future, to consequences of their actions, to things outside their own little worlds and experiences.
Having been in therapy for five years and then being in a helping profession in the mental help realm, I have become the king of introspection. I understand most of the reasons I choose to do what I do. I understand how the things that have happened to me in childhood have affected who I have become. It is now nearly impossible for me to simply enjoy a wonderful experience without analyzing every little detail and picking it apart to see what horrible thing could possibly come from it. I admit it. I am sick. I have determined to enjoy the moment, simply love the people around me, and not question what could ruin the love I am experiencing. Now, I over-analyze my over-analyzation. Dear God, I need to go back to therapy.