fluff

Being the ultra-macho little boy that I was, there was a period of time when I took my Care Bears with me wherever I went. This phase happened somewhere between the Cabbage Patch Doll phase and the Barbie Doll phase. I had many of them, but I had one that was my favorite. Grumpy Bear. He was adorable. He was blue, with a pouty little grimace on his face and rain clouds upon his little white belly. Did you ever see the Care Bear movie where they go to camp? They come across these villains who are trapping the little boy and girl campers in these crystals and hanging them in this crystal chandelier. It was wonderfully terrifying. You should rent it! Don’t watch it alone, have someone there to hold onto during the scary parts.
I digress. One evening, at my mom’s antique store, I was engaged in an angry lecture from my father. Something school related. Probably more drama around my ever decreasing ability to get good grades on my spelling tests—despite the many hours and tears (from both of us) that dad and I spent drilling the words into my thick skull. I really did try with all my might to get good grades in spelling. It wouldn’t be until college that I would discover that you need not study and read all the books, just need to know how to play the game.
Some time after ‘discussing’ the spelling test, I withdrew to a corner of the back counter and began playing with my friendly little Care Bears. As with all my toys, this occasion was consumed with my Care Bears engaged on some mythical quest, seeking to rescue a helpless mermaid, unicorn, or fellow Care Bear from the clutches of some evil tyrant holding them captive. It would not be until the Barbie Doll phase when I was eight that these adventures would also involve rousing sex scenes—often a thumb tack placed strategically on Ken where his masculinity should have been found. However, these Care Bears were the characterization of innocence and chastity.
At some point in the rescue mission, Grumpy Bear made some heinous faux pas—greatly upsetting his fellow Care Bears. They immediately turned upon Grumpy Bear and began to scold him harshly. It is a common misconception that Care Bears are quick to forgive and slow to anger. Maybe this is true in the majority of cases, but the ones under my care seemed to be made up of a different disposition. Regardless, Dad overhead the verbal onslaught directed at Grumpy Bear.
For some reason, the plight of poor Grumpy Bear was taken as a personal affront to my father. He felt as if I were calling him grumpy and being disrespectful to the extreme. Now, one could argue that Dad was indeed being grumpy; however, that had nothing to do with my Care Bear’s dire circumstance of the moment. Their dilemma was overlooked by Dad as he chose to focus on his son and the perceived name calling that was in progress. I attempted to introduce Grumpy Bear to Dad and explain the truth of the matter to him, and quickly too, before the Care Bear’s quest was in-salvable. I was informed that the fact of the matter was that the little blue bear in front of me had nothing to do with calling my parent ‘Grumpy.’
I don’t remember how long it was before poor little Grumpy Bear was returned to his owner. Unfortunately, he never again went on a reconnaissance mission. He was honorably discharged from further service. Even receiving his purple heart failed to bring a smile to his countenance.