leader of the whos

For the first time in my life, I watched a ‘Presidential’ speech. True, it was the concession speech, but still. Maybe saying I watched my first political speech would be more apt. For some reason, I, as have many people, have been more invested in this Presidential campaign, than I ever had before. Four years ago, I hated both candidates so much that I didn’t vote. I am now in a similar position. I hate both the candidates. But, I am going to vote, even if it is not for one of them. From the very beginning I had my sights set on Giuliani. Nearly every stance he took was something I agreed with or was even excited about. Of course, he lasted all of two seconds in the race. And even though I have never been able to stand Hilary, for some reason, I was kind of rooting for her, and would probably voted for her, even though I disagree fundamentally on a lot of her issues.
It seems that it would be so easy to either be Left or Right, instead of floating somewhere in the middle. It seems that to vote for someone who doesn’t really stand up for gay equality, but at least thinks it should be legal for a gay person to be admitted to the hospital where their ‘spouse’ is sick or dying , I also have to vote for someone who would make it a free for all for abortion, not think twice about our National borders, and attempt to turn our society into a socialist government. I like the Capitalist way of life, even when I have not be able to work it towards my own advantage. On the other hand, I can vote for someone who believes more along the same lines as myself in regards to the financial and security needs of our country, but who also sees me as someone who should not have the right to have kids (through adoption) or the right to marry the man I love. In the past, I have always put the needs of the rest of my country above myself, not willing to vote on someone simply because they hate gays and lesbians less than the other guy. Even so, I have yet to see our borders secured, Osama captured, or a return to a more foundational economic system (yes, I am a flat tax guy, I think. . .). So, maybe this time, I say, ‘Screw it, vote for the guy who at least claims to see me as someone mostly human.’
I am anxious to see the debates between Obama and McCain, not that I can force myself to vote for either. I am fairly certain I can’t. If I could trust what Obama said last night, I wouldn’t think twice. I wanted to believe him so badly; his speech had elements that I had never heard from a political leader before. However, from what I know about his record and other stances he has taken in his life, I found much of what he said contradictory to his actions.
I love my country and want to see it stay strong, become stronger, retain its values while growing and progressing. I wish that there was a man or woman that could be believed, could be trusted, could be strong, even if not perfect. No longer will I vote for someone who does not see me as their equal (not that Obama does either), but how can I vote for someone who opposes my beliefs in so many other ways?
Maybe it is enough that I think it matters to even ask the questions. Ever since I could vote, even when I have, I have always just shrugged my shoulders and said, ‘What’s it matter? It’s not like anyone does what they say or anything actually ever changes or gets better.’ Maybe it can. . .