Seven Divided by Two

The one thing I have had my entire life is now gone. The one thing I have been able to depend on and pride myself in is gone. It has been gone for awhile now, but it is clearer tonight than ever. I have never been able to claim looks, high intelligence, overt humor, coolness, sophistication, or originality. At least, none on a consistent basis. But, I have always been brave. Always. Maybe I have been afraid of a millions things, many of which are silly and stupid, but on the big things, I have always been brave, and adaptable. Always. Maybe this is the last thing for God to strip away from me, or maybe it is just of my own making and to the disappointment of God. Who knows? But I am no longer brave, I am no longer adaptable. Not like I was. I get stuck. The tears that should be over still live. In and of itself, not a problem, but I heel to them. I let them master me. I do not flow and become other than what I was. I simply stay. I simply hurt. I simply long for what is not. I simply shrink and run away.