moment by moment

I am learning so much more about pain. I thought I had it all figured out before. I really could have lived without the refresher. Really. The pain I feel about missing my boyfriend and not having the man I chose by my side is so very different than the pain of loosing my best friend. While both are different, they are very equal. Sometimes, often, they happen at the same time, others they show themselves separately. For some reason, they hurt more separately. Today, while the boyfriend hurt is acute and raw, the overwhelming one has been the missing of my best friend. I have so much to tell him. I am so used to talking to him multiple times throughout the day. I keep starting to reach for my phone to text him whatever just happened, or whatever thought I just had, or what I would love for us to do this evening and then I remember that I can’t do that anymore. It’s almost more than I can stand.