Today, Saturday, April 18, at 3:10 PM, Chad moved out. I have wept for a little over two days straight and at the moment, I feel somewhat removed and numb. Almost. I just got back from my folk’s house, I couldn’t be alone here. My brother is staying the night on the couch outside my bedroom, and then we are going back up to mom and dad’s tomorrow.
I will leave most of the details out, because Chad’s reasons are Chad’s reasons and they don’t need to be shared with the world, unless he is doing the sharing. Long story short, I could tell something has been bothering him for a couple weeks, and Thursday night, I asked him to tell me what was going on. That started the conversation that led to us packing and him moving today. He isn’t sure if he is able to be in a relationship and still be Chad. He is hurting, torn, and upset too. There wasn’t a fight or argument, just the opposite, in fact. We spent the last twenty-four hours crying with each other, holding each other, and simply loving each other.
Although slightly removed at the moment, I am devastated, thoroughly and completely. Not only have I lost my boyfriend, but I don’t have my best friend with me anymore either. I don’t have him here to hold me as I cry and to rest my head on his chest and feel safe and at home. Ok, since I am now crying, I must not be as removed as I thought. If two nearly perfect years are all we get, I am thankful for them. However, part of me is holding on to hope that he will figure out whatever it is he needs to figure out, and will come back and we can continue our life. Together. He is the man I love. He is the man I have chosen, the one I want to spend my life with, as long as he will have me. That doesn’t change just because he is questioning and not here. I have never met a better man, who treated me as wonderful as he does, who always makes me laugh, and automatically makes me feel that everything is going to be alright simply by his very presence in the room.
For those of you who are willing, I would ask that you keep both of us in your prayers. That Chad will know he is loved completely and that he will find what he is looking for. That I will not loose control and can stop crying soon, and I that I will be able to have faith. And, that God will do His will. And that God’s will could possibly be that Chad and I get back together. I will be praying the same, and also give thanks for the privilege of being with such a phenomenal man for as long as I have, either way this turns out. Thank you for your love, friendship, support, and prayers for both of us.
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