We are Stupid

It is nearly 3AM. I should be in bed, but no. I am at my computer desk, eating a huge bowl of pasta (really going to help my goal of dressing like a whore for Halloween), Dunkyn eating a snack at my feet, and I am typing away.
Warning: Gay boys, you may want to skip this one. . . I went to Tracks tonight, after a housewarming party, gorgeous house, btw. (Tracks is a gay dance club, for those of you not in the know.) Tonight, I had to come face to face that we, as a gay society are rather stupid and pathetic. Yes I am pointing fingers, but I am pointing at myself too, so unclench! I was not really in the mood to go dancing, so maybe that I why I decided to observe instead of dance like a fool the entire time (still managed to get some fool time in), as per normal. What I saw really scared me and made me sad. It makes me worry about who we are and where we are headed. I am going to stay vague so that the stories stay anonymous. I saw guy after guy go from one guy to another, making out, flirting, etc. Several of these guys are in "relationships." Several have serious crushes on other people, etc. I even had a guy overtly hit on me. And for me to actually pick up on that without a written notice, it has to be fairly obvious. That, in and of itself, is fine. Flirting is good. Obvious is good. I am not interested in hooking up right now or dating anyone new right now. Which is a good thing, for many reasons. One of which that, in less than an hour, I observed this guy making out (obviously) with someone else on the dance floor. Now, we had not made out, I had not returned the flirting or anything, and I had and have no intention of doing so, so technically, he was doing nothing wrong. However, if I like a guy or am flirting with him, then my focus is on him, not just, "Oh, well, not moving fast enough, must get laid. Oh, you'll do!" Is 30 minutes of effort all I am worth? That’s flattering! We go from one guy to the next. We let our insecurities override our common sense and decency. I am not trying to be a prude. If you wanna have sex and hook up, go for it, but be honest about it and don't lead others on. If you want a relationship or a boyfriend, keep it in your pants! We are grown men acting like crazed baboons. I love to dance and I love to dance like a moron (I pretend to anyway, since I can't dance cool, I act like I mean to dance with no rhythm). However, as I sat and watched others for about twenty minutes tonight, it was just stupid. There was a guy in front of me, with a fairly hot body, pants half way down his crack, his hand stuffed down his pants (doing I rather not know what) and his other caressing his naked torso, gyrating the entire time, of course. Looked like a complete dumb-ass. Pull your pants up so no one thinks you’re a plumber, and if you really must touch yourself like that--find a stall! I want us to have the respect I believe we deserve. I want us to be treated like the equals I believe we are. I want the right to marry the man I love one day and have children, if I choose. Are we living lives that come even close to deserving those things? No! I don't think those things should be earned, they should be automatic rights, but still. Let's deal with our issues. Of course we have a ton. We're gay. Most of us have been told our entire lives what an abomination we are and what gay people are like (drug and disease infested, whorish, non-monogamous, heathens)--of course we have issues, of course we sometimes fulfill the self-fulfilling prophecies told to us. Let's break that. Let's face our insecurities. Let's face our hurt and sadness and sit with it, and then deal with it; not just cover it up with alcohol, sex, and drugs. We deserve more than this. We deserve to be whole people. To have amazing, fulfilling sex and love lives that cause us to be better people, to truly love (in my case at least, I guess I won’t force my preference for monogamy on anyone else) one specific person (whoever I will one day marry). To not be hurting all the time, to not be so insecure, to be valued and respected, to treat our bodies and lives with respect. To not cause and participate in drama, to not back stab and gossip, to not tear each other down. We have the rest of the world doing that to us. Why must we do it to ourselves, to family? I am in the process of growing up too, and nowhere near to having it figured out, so I am preaching at me too. I look forward to being able to be in a room of tons and tons of gay people in all of our differences and look around and see mature, honorable men and women, who still cut loose, have fun, and dance like morons, but who are also full of integrity and love. Let us prove all the stereotypes, generalities, and damning proclamations faulty, instead of living down to them.