update (xs)

I have been writing a lot on my book. It is going slow, only on page thirty (that would be a little over fifty in book size), but I truly am in love with my characters. I hope that it shows through. That is always why I love a book, you can always tell if the author cared about the characters, or if they were just a way to tell a story. In fact, I worry that I rely too much on my characters and not enough on the story itself. Either way, I am enjoying, although it is hard for me to spend time writing papers for school. I have a lot of fear around it as well. Every time I start to sit down to write, I nearly put the computer away and do something else. It seems overwhelming, impossible. Then, I get a line or two out and it starts to flow. Like molasses, but still.
The tattoos are on hold. I check out the glow-in-the dark ones, and they suck. So much for technical advances. However, I did get the designs I want for my other tattoos. I even had an appointment to get the one on my right arm/chest started, and then chickened out. I know I want the tattoo, but I am afraid of what a future potential mate might think. I have seen perfectly good people who I would never date, just because of a tattoo. I don’t want to spend my life making love with someone with a skull, claws, or demon staring at me from his skin. No thanks. So, I am doing the thing I am the worst at: exercising my patience.
I have had a thought over the past two days. I know, it is shameful how long it take me to form a single thought at times. I used to pray about everything. EVERYTHING. I actually think it was a little excessive. However, I realized I have not been praying for one of the aspects of my life that I long for the most. A husband. (Wow, I sound desperate. Quack like a duck, look like a duck, waddle like a. . .) Despite my self-proclaimed: I’m Gay, and God still loves me and considers me one of His own, I am afraid to pray for this. I have fear that God will sabotage it and mess things up. You know, because I have done oh so well so far. I never even prayed for my last boyfriend to come back. Afraid he might end up struck by lightning or something. Anyway, I am going to start. Not today, but soon. Surely, God will have better success than I have had…