Monday, October 19, 2009

fear and trepidation

I’m not known for my bravery. Well, at least not in the typical sense. In fact, it’s fairly common place knowledge that I tend to be jumpy and a bit skittish. Especially where masks are concerned. Let’s just say that you’ve been warned not to sneak up on me when I’m carving pumpkins. Not unless you want a gushing open wound to match your hideous Halloween countenance. However, after the initial shock is over (unless masks are involved), I can face just about any situation—once I know what it is that I’m facing.
That being said, I’ve always had an assortment of irrational fears that I have not been able to let go of. The shark in the swimming pool. Spiders crawling up from the drain in the toilet or the bathtub while I’m not looking. Something creeping up from behind the sofa during a scary movie. Zombies. (Yes, I love vampires and werewolves, but zombies? OMG!) Being left all alone, abandoned by the one that says he loves me (Oh, wait! Bwhaaaaa!) {Angry, bitter, party of one, your table is now ready.}
Yesterday, before taking a quick shower after Bible study (yes, after), while I was trying to get ready for the C & P R-L baby shower, I, uhmm, stood up after ‘relaxing’ on the toilet. Yeah, I know, you’d think I’d get rid of all my shit on this blog, but I don’t (Yes, I really did just say that. I really went there—wait to you see where I go next). After standing, but before flushing, I glanced down. Don’t judge you do it too. At least, if you’re a guy, you do it—you women will have to let me know if you suffer from this same compulsion. Just like when you blow your nose and look—every time. Well, I glanced down, hand reaching for the handle. I let out a bellow that caused the dogs to jump up from their resting places on the titles. There, happy and sinister as ever on his sewage playground, was a large, grey spider. Skimming across the water. Looking up at me. Tauntingly showing that he could have attacked from below while I wasn’t watching. The one time I don’t check for something crawling out of the pipes! I flushed the toilet and watched in horror as he spun slowly, going back from whence he came, to await another time to attempt an onslaught when I’m not vigilant.
Late last even, during an unusually warm, silent, and dark walk with the puppies attempting to think through emotions that are oh so fun, I glance up. Dolan straining as always, trying to get to whatever lays beyond, Dunkyn pulling from behind, attempting to capture every scent before covering it up with his own. I squint my eyes, in an effort to make out what is shuffling towards me in a hazy darkness. A child. At least a child’s form, rushed forward in a broken flinching motion, a strange guttural sound emanating from it. (I’m not making this up.) My heart racing to my throat, attempting to expand and suffocate me, I narrowed my eyes further, trying to find reality in what I was seeing. The ‘child’ then appeared to be moving backwards, away from me. Just when I took another step, thinking I was over-reacting and was being silly, it started lumbering towards me again, this time in a jerkily quicker paced fashion. Fully expecting to feel its teeth sink into my thigh, I rushed across the street, dragging Dolan, who desperately wanted to receive attention from the monstrosity ambling towards us. I made it to the other side of the street without losing any flesh, and turned to see how much of a lead, if any, I had on the creature of the night. Whether it was hidden behind the cars parked on the street or if it had gone the way of the spider and descended back to Hell to bide it’s time, I am unsure, but I could no longer see my tormenter. The dogs and I hurried back home and locked the door. I haven’t checked the news; I don’t want to hear some report about a wounded child in my neighborhood who was overcame by his injuries late Sunday night. Even so, better than a report of a teacher and his dogs mauled by the offspring of Hell.

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