return

In true frustratingly pathetic form, it was a relief to know I get to go to work today. Not that I didn’t have a good time on vacation and not that I didn’t love Seattle, but there seems to be more comfort and safety in the routine (duh) and the so-called pattern of my so-called life—especially work.
The past few days were really nice on one hand. I really do love Seattle (for Pike’s Place alone—I want to live there just so I can go to the market everyday and cook something new every night—how amazing it is there).
I keep saying how in touch with myself I am, yet I keep being surprised when my emotions get the better of me when I don’t expect them. Guess I’m not as enlightened as I thought. Part of why I was so excited was to have a completely good experience post ‘Chandon,’ and that was only ‘Brandon.’ It surprises me how surprised I really was at how painful going on this trip was in reality.
I have felt like the person that keeps choosing to hurt, keeps choosing to not enjoy things. I have to say, I don’t really think that is what is going on. I chose to be excited about this trip, chose to have a good time, chose to enjoy independently. It didn’t seem to matter what I chose. As with everything else, my choices, intention, and desires didn’t really affect the outcome or the reality.
Glad I got away, sortta. Glad to be back, mostly. Glad for my puppies who went crazy when I came home, completely. Glad for my crazy kids that I will battle with all day (Friday did NOT go well with the sub, apparently), resoundingly yes. Glad for my evening with Gavin tonight, entirely!