Dunkyn is sitting beside me on the couch, licking his paws, his new lion’s cut bobbing up and down; Dolan is at our feet rolling around and acting silly, as per normal. I am doing my best to hold it together, while the Food Networks plays on mute across from us.
I know things go in spurts and waves, that they come and go, but I really don’t know where this has been coming from the past three days. It’s almost like (but not nearly as bad) he just left again. I’m not sure if it is sinking in more, if it means I’m healing, if it means he’s getting ready to date someone else, if it means that this is just my life, I don’t know. I know that I don’t miss him any less or love him any less; I know that I can’t fathom why his is happier away from us and how he doesn’t want to return. I know that I am stronger than I ever thought I was, and that I am weaker than I wish I were. There are so many people that have been so loving and supporting, and so many people that need me now, and I just don’t feel that I have it in me to give. I wish I did. I wish I could push aside my devastation over Chad and give myself fully to these people, but I can’t. Of course, there are lots of things I wish…
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