Wednesday, May 05, 2010

ode to snot, farting, zombies, and dung beetles

There is rarely a day that goes by that I don’t realize my gayness in a whole new way. Especially when compared to other boys. Just like with my weekend date—he is an avid snowboarder and hiker. He loves watching sports (I know, sick right?), fishing, and the ilk. All of which (especially the sports) make my brain synapses stop firing. And as far as fishing—poor worms! Of course, he does river fishing, although not fly fishing—so he uses lures. Poor fish!
Even in teacher’s meeting yesterday, my principal made a joke about her white pants making her butt look big. I laughed really hard (apparently, not loud enough to stand out) along with all the other women. She then apologized to the men and said only a woman would understand that joke. Hmmm… And, in actuality, her pants looked great and she had on these twelve foot heels that were fierce. Which, of course, I had to comment on. Made me very proud of my principal. I wish I was exaggerating this for the sake of my point. I’m not.
However, there is one area that I am typical male (well, besides my sex drive and love of cheeseburgers). I am only recently realizing that I am rather obsessed with gross things. For instance, one of the books I requested from the school’s book fair to have in my classroom is ‘100 Most Disgusting Things on the Planet.’ And it is gross. Gross—but all true, factual, and extremely informative. Some of the most disgusting things I have ever read or hear of—with pictures. It’s pretty fantastic. In addition to enjoying it myself, I also know that kids love this shit! Especially the boys (however, I have found my girls much more willing to do disgusting things—like dissecting and such—than the boys). There is such a lack of male interest in reading and writing and it showing in all the assessments and such—well, give the boys something they actually WANT to read. Duh! Most classes won’t let kids write about ‘violence’ with wars or killing or monsters. Come on! Most boys aren’t like me and enjoy vampire romances!
What highlights this for me is a co-teacher, who swiftly got on to one of my fifth graders, telling him to grow up and that is was disgusting when he starting talking about what we had just read. I stared at her in gapping amazement. She then starting going on about how there were women in the room and he (and the others) needed to show respect. Apparently, my students aren’t the only ones who need to ‘grow up!’ So many people (and by people, I mean several women—NOT ALL!) can’t seems to differentiate between someone being rude and intentionally gross in order to offend someone and the person who is talking about real and rather fascinating things—or at least would be if you’d pull your head out of your ass. And seriously, if you’re hyper sensitive to gross things, having your head in your ass is probably rather hypocritical of you, don’t you think?
So, here is to gross things, the one sortta straight thing about me, and refusing to kowtow to the hypersensitivity and political correctness that is suffocating our boys (and many of our girls!)!

And, when you’re bored at work, look up the details and PICTURES of the Tongue-Eating Louse! Pretty awesome—like something out of Independence Day. I may have a new favorite animal!

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