Tuesday, May 04, 2010


I’ve always loved having lots of friends. Who doesn’t? Although the list of those I trust with every single bit of my heart are pretty few, I am blessed with so many wonderful people in my life. The hard part is that I rarely get to see many of my friends. Even several that I feel the closest to, I only get to see every few months—which seems crazy when we live in the same town. Between work and work, and family, I don’t have much time to give anymore—even though I’d like to. Hell, I don’t even have time to write anymore. By the time I have an hour or two in the evenings to myself, I’m so exhausted I really can do is cuddle up on the couch with Dunkyn (Dolan has never figured out how to cuddle without being obnoxious) and fall asleep. Last night, I was falling asleep before nine! How old am I?
What is interesting is my oldest and dearest friends never pressure me (well most don’t) or guilt me about my schedule—even though they are the ones I want/need to see the most. However, once in awhile, a couple of them hint at the possibility that I am ditching them for a boy. LOL—I wish! My ‘newer’ friends, however, are constantly asking to get together and seem really hurt when I can’t—which is most of the time.
I do feel a bit guilty of their perception, however, as I can’t even find time to make a date with myself to really sit down and write, I can’t feel too badly. Plus, I do very well when I feel pressured—makes me want to do the opposite.
All of this is compounded by still not being able to go to all the typical places I used to go for fear of seeing Chad and crumbling. Pathetic? Yes. Real? Yes.
I miss the illusion I had not long ago that everything was simple and my life was finally where I wanted it!
Well, now off to screaming, masturbating, and crazy children.

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