Sunday, April 10, 2011


I almost started off with: Thursday nigh was the scariest thing I’ve done in months. Then I remembered Monday, coffee with HWMNBN. That was scarier. Obviously. However, Thursday was fairly terrifying. Before we went to the bars, we ate at Hamburger Marry’s. It was scarier than the bars, because at dinner, you’re stuck at a table, nowhere to run away. It was bizarre, and for a few minutes, I almost had to leave. The last time I was there was over two years ago, and before that, for years, the only time I’d been there (or at the bars) had been with him. Memories accosted me. With sheer act of will, I shoved them away.
All in all, it was a fairly amazing night. Maybe it was the five and half beers, but I think it was more the act itself, but it was a manically happy experience, with an undercurrent of loss and sadness. More than anything, I focused on being proud and excited that I was facing these fears. That I was choosing life.
While I’m not a bar person, it was good to be there and see a few people I don’t get to see very much.
I was rewarded with the best date I’ve had in two years on Friday. Then a gorgeous day with my nephew yesterday. Now, six day till I go to Seattle. Yep, next Monday is the two-year mark and I am going to Seattle one last time. After that, time to move on from that city to new places to expand living once more.

1 comment:

Cheeseburgers and Pajamas said...

Congrats on your renewed empowerment! It can feel like an out of body experience when all things fall into place. All it takes is our own shift in thinking :)