Thursday, December 23, 2010


I sat in the coffee shop for over four hours last night and tore through the last of the other novel. I am now finished with editing both novels! Well, this time, at least. It seems that part never stops—since the one I finished last night I’ve been working on for roughly five years. Since, I am ahead of schedule, sortta, I am going to do a little research into how to get an agent. It’s the last thing I wanna do. I want to do it all on my own. However, the author I spoke to last summer in Boulder told me that would be her first and biggest advice, after edit, edit, edit. I suppose I should listen to people who are living my dream (she was the teacher/author I spoke of before) and heed their words.
It’s crazy that it took me two days to do the same amount that I’ve been working on since school started in August. Partly due to timing and always feeling rushed between teaching and massage, but even more so being caught in my fear and not believing anything good could happen. There were a few moments when that took real form as I was editing the past two days, but I forced myself to stuff it and push onward. I have to fight for this.
While I’m reading my stuff, I try to look at it from an outsider’s eye. I love my characters. They are like my children. It’s hard for me to see their imperfections, whereas others won’t have that problem. I can’t really get a sense of how they will come across to others. I’ve received more negative feedback on the books than I have positive, so we will see. I can’t help but think it’s a good sign that as I was going over things, my heart would speed up at certain parts, be surprised at others, and saddened over deaths and hardships of my characters. It’s kinda silly since I wrote it, and I know what happened, but still, it got to me. I hope that’s a good sign. Of course, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. How many times have you seen a newborn baby whose parents are convinced it’s the most gorgeous thing in the world, and you have to struggle to not throw up a bit in your mouth as you confirm their belief? These are my babies.

No comments: