hearts

Happy Valentine’s Day!!!

To my own, and everyone else’s (I’m sure), surprise, today is not a trigger for me. HWMNBN and I never really did much on Valentine’s Day. We were both of the mind that it was just a mass-marketed ploy without much meaning—our anniversaries were our ‘Valentine’s Days.’ Therefore, today doesn’t have much hold over me. However, if I am ever in a relationship like that again, I plan on celebrating that fact any chance I get. So, today isn’t anymore of a struggle than normal—which kinda isn’t saying anything lately, but at least it isn’t worse.
This weekend was rather rough (KE, if you are uncharacteristically reading this before your birthday, stop right now). I took Friday off of work to work on KE’s 30th birthday scrapbook. I spent every spare minute with that thing—leaving me more and more behind on other things that are stressing me out. Hopefully, it will be worth it when he gets it. This weekend was tough, several HWMNBN triggers that continue to cut ever deeper, and lots of fear around custody stuff with my nephew. If you’re a prayer person—please pray for this issue on a continuing basis—more than any other I’ve requested prayer about. More than my health, more than money, even more than the return of HWMNBN. More than the books. There is nothing more important than Gavin. Nothing. Which, then, makes sense that his life, circumstances, and future are things in which I have no control or say. One more area that I have turn over to God and do my best to have trust and faith. Though you slay me… I just pray this is one area He will choose not to slay me.
I’m going out with MD for Valentine’s Day. It’s our second Valentine’s together. I’ve celebrated more Valentine’s with her than anyone else (simply because he and I never did). Look how straight I am!