blech

Ya know how I’ve been wondering my anti-depressants are keeping me from crying? Well, I found out. They aren’t. Which is good news, I suppose. They do make it easier to stop, and less frequent, but they haven’t dried me out yet. I decided that tonight would be my first night to ‘go out.’ It was only going to be for a bit, but as it is the only night I will get to do anything Pride related (which I am sooooo okay with given the current situation), I thought I should go out for at least enough to say I went out. I ended up sobbing in the car. Actually, I got on here and was going to go on and on and ‘empty out all my emotions.’ Now I don’t want to. I’m so tired of crying and bitching. I’m tired of realizing he didn’t love me enough, didn’t love me as much as I love him, that he continues to choose everything lese over me, to be happy without me, to remember how things were this time last year, this time four months ago, and that I am merely going through the motions of being fine. Who knew that knowing that I get to escape to ridiculous heat, humidity, and wedding stuff for a few days would be such a treat? Hopefully, I can hold myself together during the wedding. Since there is a disgusting straight kiss at the end (shudder), I should be fine. Bah-humbug.