Monday, August 17, 2009

meaningless and pretty

I just got back from a walk with the dogs in the rain. It was really beautiful. However, the umbrella with the lightening all around us was probably not a good idea. Got back okay, so I guess all’s well that ends well.

I took my ‘devil my care’ attitude to a new level tonight. I had an extremely cute massage client, so I decided I was going to be extremely unprofessional and ask him if he was single. He said yes. I asked if he was gay. He said he thought so. (right….). I asked him to dinner. I’ve NEVER asked anyone one a date before. Ever. I’ve only been asked. I figured what did I have to lose. It’s not like Chad would care or even look twice if I went out on a real date. The cute boy (who turned out to be forty-one—I about fell over) said no. Actually, he blushed fiercely and said that he was kinda a mess right now and had too much going on. He tried to keep explaining, but I told him that I got it. If anyone could understand being a mess and having too much going on…

I really do think I am ready to start going on dates again. Just dates, not looking for a relationship, but it would be nice to feel romantic and special. Even if it’s not real with the one I love. (Okay, we probably all know that I’m not really ready, but I don’t really care.) I’m not going to force anything, but if I comes up and it sounds fun/feels right, I will probably do it. The stupid thing is, if I thought it would upset Chad at all, I wouldn’t consider it. It make me sad that it wouldn’t bother him, but I can’t keep focusing on Chad and his feelings or mourning him not loving me. Like I tell my kids. Keep living life (fake it if you have to), it makes things better.

On a completely different note. See those stupid blue words above each post? Well, blogger was saying that they will pay the bloggee for each click people click on the links, so I thought, why not? (You know, because of all the thousands of people that follow my blog religiously.) If I don’t get published, maybe clicking can pay for the other half of the mortgage. So feel free to click away! ;)

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