Thursday, December 24, 2009


Even the Scrooge in me and me detestation of shoveling snow could not deny how gorgeous it was this morning. The sun shining making the dry, fluffy snow sparkle and glitter. The old me would have been in Heaven. I think it’s a good thing that I was even able to acknowledge the beauty. Baby steps.

Speaking of beauty—I’ve always talked about the gross massage clients that I get from time to time. Well, today was one of the rare times where I swear I had a male model on my table. One of the few times that I couldn’t believe I was getting paid instead of paying. That’s always a mixed bag though. Such pretty people really make me hurt physically and make my insecurities flare up as if dosed in kerosene. Anyway, a small Merry Christmas to me, I suppose.

Tonight is another one of my favorite nights. My brother and I always spend Christmas Eve together and he typically stays the night. This time we are having Mediterranean food and watching Avatar. Then we are picking up Gavin and he is staying the night at my place! So, pretty great Christmas Eve.

I’m not dreading tomorrow as much as I thought I might. He always left Christmas Eve to go be with his folks while my brother and I did our thing, so it won’t be unusual to wake up on my own on Christmas morning—plus, I’ll have my gorgeous nephew there to bask in. However, I am nervous about tomorrow night. We would always open our presents sitting by the tree right before bed and let the dogs ‘open’ theirs, and then take a picture together to end the year’s photo book with. I will stay at my folks until late then go home and snuggle with the dogs before falling asleep. More glad than ever that I won’t have to go home to the tree or think about taking it down. I miss him so much.

In spite of everything, it looks like it will be a stunning Christmas day and I wish everyone to be surrounded by as much love as I will be with my family, knowing I am wrapped in love by my friends, and remembering love that I once held.

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