in the end

My anger from earlier in the day has given way to sadness. While his absence is always with me, right now, it is very acute. I miss the man I planned on spending my life with. I miss his smile and how he always made me laugh. How beautiful he was. How me made me feel safe. How he made me feel so loved. All those things are so far from me right now. Knowing he is somewhere else, that I am not on his mind, that his life is better without me confuses and hurts me so much. Either way, I love you.