It’s already been a morning and a half. I was forcing myself to drive past Starbucks, then quickly gave into temptation. Just ahead of me in line, four women, all dressed in green for St. Patrick’s Day, who were not a group, all (seemingly) chose to bathe in perfume that morning. Even on their own, the smell was grotesque. Together, it was plainly offensive. Naturally (inherited from my mom), I can’t smell very well. However, I’m particularly sensitive to perfume and cologne scents. There are a few that are rather pleasing; many are disgusting. Some of the men’s cologne I actually like, but not much. There is even fewer of the womens’. However, no one, NO ONE, would have been able to take these. As ever, ‘thank God I’m gay,’ kept going through my mind as my stomach cramped. Once in the car, I dumped the entire large chai into my backseat. Yeah, that was a well-spent five bucks. I really need a Redo button for today.
It shouldn’t, but it’s blown my mind to discover how many of my co-workers have second jobs like me. Nearly half, I would say. One of them is a hair-dresser. She came to work telling about one of her clients she had earlier in the week.
This girl, early twenties I believe, came in to the beauty shop. The lower part of her face, mouth, jaw, etc., was swollen and blotchy-red. Apparently, she had her first true sexual encounter a day or so before. Guess what she discovered? She’s allergic to semen! (Wonder what she was doing…) Upon further testing, they also discovered she couldn’t even use normal condoms because she is also allergic to spermicide. In addition, obviously, she won’t be able to get pregnant—I don’t think they’re sure if in vitro is an option later or not. Honestly, it is a very sad story. However, I was rolling on the floor with laughter at the way my friend was describing it. The kicker? The girl has to carry around an EpiPen—like if you allergic to bees! You know, just in case you’re walking down the street and men start shooting their semen all over you! EpiPen, really? Where would you ever be where that would happen? I sure don’t know, and I’ve been a lot of places… However, I’d sure like the address. My co-worker and I decided that we’d both become lesbians if we were allergic to semen. I guess that I’d be straight then, not a lesbian. Semen allergies would have been a lot more effective than the five plus years of learn to be straight therapy I was in. Actually, let’s be real—we all know I’d simply become addicted to whatever is in EpiPens and walk around bleeding from having to stab myself all the time!
Black Coffee Tables
1 year ago