Missed Day, Ray of Hope?

So something happened that shocked me yesterday. Actually, I happened Saturday, but I didn’t even realize it until yesterday, which was even more shocking. The ninth week anniversary of Chad leaving came and went on Saturday and I didn’t notice until Sunday. Of course, a few days before (the eighteenth) I was preoccupied with the two month anniversary of the same event, so that could be why. Maybe that’s a good sign. I was so busy with finishing the rough draft of the book (yes, I finished the novel on Saturday afternoon) and with a ‘date’ that wasn’t a date (but a very fun, distracting time) that I didn’t have time to focus on the depression or agonize over why he is still having more fun without me. Maybe this means I will start being okay more and more. Maybe that means I will so simply be okay, and then he will come back. That’s how it’s going to work right?

This week I am focusing on doing as many massages as I can (money, mortgage, money, bills, money, coffee), and reading through the book before setting it aside to work on the next project. I want to jump into the sequel. I am so excited about it and know pretty much where I want to go and how I want to change some writing styles for it. However, I’ve got to re-work this one and the one I did last year and finally see if someone will publish them (hopefully submit by August/September). So scary.

I had lost myself pretty deeply to the little world I had created in this book, which is part of why if flowed out of me so quickly. My mind was always sort of there. Which was also such relief from my real life. Of course, a story that originally had a very happy love story ending became a shattered angst ridden conclusion to the first installment. Probably better writing, truth be told. Who says art doesn’t imitate life? It was thrilling and scary to type that last sentence on Saturday. It felt like the first step of a lot of hard work being completed, but I didn’t want to let it go or leave the safety of the vampire/demon infested world. Now, what does that tell you about my psyche?

So, now onto the next little phase of my self-absorbed little world. This weekend is Pride, which I normally love. This year I was desperate to not be here. I really don’t need to physically see how much Chad loves being without me. Blessedly, my cousin is getting married this weekend in Kansas City, so we are driving down and back in a very short trip. It is also telling about my psyche that I am happy to be returning to Missourri/Kansas!