FUCK YOU

If one more person tells me that things work out the way they are meant to be or that since Chad left he obviously wasn’t the right person for me, I am going to fucking rip their heads off. Why do we believe that? If a girl really thought that she was going to meet a fairy godmother, loose a glass slipper, and bam there’s the prince of her dreams with a Johnson the size of a cucumber, she’d be called a fool. She’s no more a fool than those who believe everything happens for a reason. Sure, God can use everything that happens and life continues to go on, so of course the things that happen in the past shape and mold our future, but those are not the same thing. Just because something happens or someone makes a choice, it doesn’t mean that is how things are meant to be or that they are making the right choice! Just because Chad left doesn’t mean that was supposed to happen, and just because he chose partying hard and being free and single doesn’t mean he made the right choice. He made the easy, no responsibility, party your ass off cus it doesn’t matter, I’m too afraid to really love choice. And I am left without the man I want to spend my life with NOT because that is what is supposed to happen, simply because it DID happen! Sure, if I meet someone somehow more amazing than Chad (I don’t see how, with the exception of actually loving me enough to stick around), I will be able to say, ‘Wow, all that was for a reason, to lead me here.’ I’m sure I will. I call bullshit on myself right now. I was Chad’s to loose. Period. It was his choice, not the universe or fate or whatever. He’s the one who is genuinely happier with his mind foggy and blurry than with in reality with me. Yes, things will work out one-way or another…at least until they don’t. And, as you can tell (though I love him no less), I am deep in my anger phase. Deep. Furious. Of course then comes Saturday when he comes over to get the rest of his stuff. I’d like to stay in the mad stage, but we all know I will slip back to the sad. Either way, it is fucking ridiculous, fucking stupid, pathetic, and a waste! If I ever see a block of gold sitting in the street, I will shit on it and leave it behind because I would just be too much damned work to carry it to the bank to get cashed. But, maybe I’ll bother to pick up the penny beside it. That looks easy.