ComeWhatMay

I had a date Monday night. An actual date, one that could lead to more than fun. Having decided to throw out the rule book entirely (HWMNBN and I did everything right, everything, and here I sit, so…), I am extremely blunt and direct on dates if I’m interested. Things you shouldn’t say or ask on a fifth date I put out without much apology on the first. So, I simply asked if this was a date (he asked me) for the pure sake of having fun together or seeing where things could possibly lead and let him know either answer was fine, but I wanted to know my standing. Turns out, as I was hoping, he is wanting to see where it could go. With the exception of not jumping into a relationship quickly, I am not going to worry about the rules or what is protocol, just literally gonna see what happens. I also don’t know how to read myself. I’m not all nervous or gaga, even though I’m immensely physically attracted and we have lots of really great things in common. I don’t know if that feeling will come over time, I’m not really sure I’m even capable of that feeling anymore. Hopefully not the later, if so, then there is only one way this or any other dating relationship could go, but I guess I’ll find out.
If there is a benefit to all I’ve gone through, it is this: At least at this point, until things get very serious, I’m not worried about being hurt. Even if I do get hurt, it can’t compare with what I still go through nearly everyday (couldn’t sleep last night for all the memories and dreams assailing me). I feel like I’m going into this with eyes wide open and with cards on the table, which I appreciate. That being said, either way this goes, I’m excited about it and am hopeful of where it could lead, as there is more than one positive outcome. And, either way, it is a little off putting and flattering to have someone so physically attractive want to see where things may go. Whatever happens, it feels like an important step at the moment.