words

Monday, Monday. Ten hours at school, followed by four hours of massage. Followed by dinner to Being Human—surprisingly good and getting better all the time.

My mind is struggling turning off. With the ability to turn off. However, I am noticing a huge difference since going back on the one pill of the anti-depressant. While I hate obviously still needing that, I suppose I’m thankful that I need them and can have them instead of needing them and not being able to have them. The intensity of the past month has slackened greatly, and I am much relieved to have some peace. I guess peace isn’t the right word really, there really isn’t a moment of peace, the turmoil has lessened so it seems like peace. The way a quiet, deepening flood would feel after being in the midst of a hurricane. Peace.
Actually, there are only three times when I’m able to turn my brain off, well four actually. One is Gavin, he is the best medicine ever—everything flees in his presence, nothing is about me, everything is about him. Love it. Two, TV. I really don’t watch that much TV, but the few shows I do watch allow me to loose most of my own reality, most—for which I am thankful. Third, my books on tape. I am re-listening to The Taken, by Dean Koontz. For the first few minutes I have to tell myself to listen, listen, quit thinking. When I finally am able to pull that off, I get lost more entirely than anywhere else. So much, I often wonder how I’m able to drive. The power of books and the power of the written/spoken word is so massive, transcendent. I am grateful for its impact on my life and my functioning. I am also thankful that I get to be a part of that process for others, no matter to what degree.
I am also thankful for cheese. Really. I am.