One more day and I get to get the Hell outta Dodge (or Denver, whatever). I am soooo excited I can barely handle it. I need to get out of here even more than I did earlier. True, while I have lost weight, it wasn’t nearly enough to have a slutty Halloween costume. However, enough that I’ll be able to pull off ‘fairly sexy.’ At least, that’s what I plan on convincing myself. Of course, since I will not go out dancing until Saturday and/or Sunday, and I plan on eating my way through Seattle, so ‘fairly sexy’ may change to ‘rather rotund’…
Due to events that have/are transpired/ing, I’ve gotten a thought/desire caught in my craw/heart. One that was there instantly, but one I knew wasn’t really a possibility, so I was able to stuff it and use it to play the role I was given more fully. Now, while still no more of a possibility, that role isn’t only something I want, it is something that would be best all the way around, at least the way I see it. However, what I want and what should be have no impact on what is and what will be.
I’m rather angry at myself for my continued inability to turn off my desires, especially for things I know can’t be. There are three things that are equal. HWMNBN—although until the end, I believed that was reality. Getting published—although I still believe that’s a possibility. This one—although I know there is no possibility. Each desire/passion is rather consuming. Each, I would give any/all other aspect of my life for (except lives of those I love, of course). Each, resulting in ache in their current and foreseeable futures.
Black Coffee Tables
1 year ago