Sunday, August 22, 2010

tired. whiny and tired.

Had one of my favorite people in the world in town this weekend—one of my cousins. She, her husband, and two boys were here from Friday to today. She used to visit me when I was a kid. She’d come down and spend two to three days with me. She always made me feel like I was the most important thing in the world to her. Many of my favorite memories involve her. Every time she’d leave, I would cry and cry the rest of the day.
While I haven’t cried and cried since she left, I am bummed out. And so, so tired. I actually lay down and took a ‘nap’ late this afternoon. I always hate it when I let myself do that. This time was no different. I’m not sure if it’s because I don’t fall into as deep of sleep or what it is, but I always, always regret it. The dreams are always there when I do. Every time, and they seem more real when I take naps. I guess because most of the time, they aren’t really dreams, more memories. As ever, from the minute I closed my eyes, he was there. I miss my life. I miss the life I had. I miss him so much. I miss our Sundays. I miss planning our lives together. I miss simply being content to be with him, no matter where we were or what we were doing.
I’m tired of people moving away. Tired of people changing. Tired of people killing themselves. Tired of people falling out of love with me. Tired of people breaking their promise. Tired of people leaving. Tired of being replaced.

1 comment:

Avenjer said...

Nothing I can say will help. But I'll try. I know you saw the Julia movie. I did too. And in it, there was something about "out of ruin and loss, comes transformation and change." The chance for something new and better, out of sorrow. I know that doesn't help but, that's all I've got at the moment, other than, I'm sorry. :{