to be dreamless

The first day of school as come and gone. At least the first day with kids. I was nearly as nervous as the very first day of teaching I ever had. I get that way every year. I’ll stop being nervous by Wednesday. It was good to be with the kids again, they are such a great distraction. That’s probably horrible to say, but they are. They are so consuming, that I rarely have time to let my mind wander—and when it does, one of them quickly brings it back to them. I dreamed about him all last night, again. I hate that! I work so hard to keep him from me during the day and then screw it all up when I’m sleeping. The constant empty hole in my chest turns into this twisting, digging, cavern. The numb, apathetic normalcy I typically have is much preferable to this. I hope I dream about anything else tonight. Even girls would be preferable.