before its too late

I don’t understand how emotional pain takes on such physical symptoms. The pain in my chest, in my gut, quite literally woke me up early this morning and refused to let me go to back to sleep. It’s not enough that my ‘heart’ hurts? My actual heart has to hurt as well? I’ve got to shut this off somehow. I can’t go through this again.
To top it off I feel guilty about yesterday’s blog. I think I need to go back to no longer using his name. He is someone else’s now and he loves him. If I was with him, I wouldn’t want some pathetic ex to still be blabbering on about him. I need to at least give that modicum of respect. Maybe this boy can make him happy like I couldn’t. I don’t want anything I say to unintentionally ruin that for him. I love him. How could I want anything else?
I get to baby-sit my nephew for a few hours today. I can’t wait. He seems to be the only thing I have found that make the pain leave, at least for awhile.