I had dinner with my dear, dear friend who is going through the break-up. His family was in town and there were also three others of our friends present.
Once more, he blew me away by how much stronger he is than I. I know how much he is hurting—not because I am projecting, but because we’ve talked. It’s only been a week, yet even though we all knew he was hurting, he was funny, charming, a perfect host. Honestly, he carries himself better in one week than I do in a year an two months. I wish I had whatever that is within me.
However, here is the thing I noticed with him—the same thing I noticed when I was dumped—two of the things nearly everyone says, and I truly believe that they believe them. I’ve heard several people say this to him and in reference to him. “If it is meant to be, [your boyfriend] will come back.” And. “If [your boyfriend] doesn’t come back, you’ll get over him and move on.”
Who came up with these? Especially the ‘if it’s meant to be crap?’
Where does it say that what happens is what is meant to be or that everything that is meant to be is what happens? That completely disregards people’s freewill and their tendencies to do stupid shit that fucks up their lives. And as far as getting over him, from what I have seen there are two type of people, ones that SEEM to move on very quickly and those that never get over ‘that one person.’
I can kinda handle people saying that you will move on and get over it. It’s audacious and undercutting, but at least there is a once of hopeful, wishful thinking. However the ‘meant to be crap’ both negates the emotions and genuineness of the relationship and the breakup and is nothing but a lie.