on the nose

Unimportant information: You need to go see Splice. It was really, really good. Kinda fucked up, but that actually made it better. There you go, there is you free tip for the day.

I need a positive post today, don’t I? It’s time. Even a silly one. Try as I might, I can’t seem to stop blogging about what I always blog about. I’ve been sitting here, my fingers needing the keys, but not able to make them do anything productive.

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Today was the day I was supposed to go up to Glenwood Springs for a couple nights. I’d been working out, trying to get in better shape. I got a new book to listen to on my iPod (another Christine Feehan novel, I am about to finish the latest of her vampire series, so I am moving on to ghosts) for the three-hour drive. I’d canceled massages appointments to spend a few days with the boy. I was going to find a coffee shop up there to write at all day tomorrow while he was working (you know how I’d hate that). I was all prepared try to forget past and current pain, maybe feel some hope for what could be.

Instead, I will be spending the day at the coffee shop here and with the puppies and in the backyard. Later, my family is coming over to watch the Bachelorette. It’s ridiculous how much I love that show, and how much I love Alli. I wanted Jake to pick her last season. I seriously want to spend a few weeks just coming her hair. She would be a perfect, perfect mermaid. I know, I have problems.

I really would like them to do a gay Bachelor show—and not the stupid Boy Meets Boy shit, where they mixed in straight boys and it was just about getting a boyfriend. I want one like the Bachelor, where there really is an emphasis on getting married and finding a lifemate—even though it doesn’t often turn out that way, it has for a few. If that happened, I would 100% apply. I totally would. Granted, I’d need six months notice to get in shape. I swear even the ugly guys on that show have amazing bodies. Maybe it seems silly to even say such things when I am where I am. However, it continues to get more and more obvious he is never going to return or even remember I exist at times—if I had the chance to find a man that I could love and would love me and we could build a life and family together, I’d take it. Maybe that’s progress…

On a different note, I managed to hit myself in the nose with my TV remote the other night (don’t ask, you know me). It hurt so bad I almost cried—I’ve broken my nose at least four times and have had nose surgery twice, so even a small tap hurts like hell. I thought it was going to be okay. I moved it back and forth and it didn’t snap or act broken. However, today, it is swollen and throbbing and bruising. Only me. If there were ever a day to send in an audition tape for the Gay Bachelor, today would be the day!