Much to everyone’s surprise, on the first day of summer, I am at my favorite seat at the coffee shop—after swooping in after a mother and child so rudely were occupying it. If I ever do get blessed enough to be a published author and have bit of recognition, the only diva aspect I want to adopt is having my seat in the my coffee shop roped off as a monument to my published drivel, allowing me to be the only one to sit here. Sigh, that would be nice. Today, I am not writing on the novel, as I won’t have another day until next week, and I hate beginning when I don’t have a wide berth to loose myself in. Today, I am playing catch up on Gavin’s baby book that I am making for his first birthday in July! Very fun.
I forgot to upload my next episode of Top Chef on my iPod this morning, so I had nothing to watch while I did my forty-five minutes of cardio (so great to be able to work out in the morning again). Therefore, I listened to my vampire romance novel (best one yet) and watched the TV’s over the cardio equipment. News was on every single TV. Even muted, it disturbed me—and highlighted my neurosis. When they started showing a local death by shooting, before I knew it, I was tearing up and terrified that Chad was the victim. Forcing myself to breathe, I welded my eyes closed and made myself get lost in the bloody world of vampires. Probably brought on by how I woke up this morning. I don’t understand what brings it on, but about half the days I wake up, even before I open my eyes, his absence is slaughtering—even when I hadn’t been dreaming of him. I have no idea how to control that, or how to gain sanity.
Either way, the news is so horrible. Pictures kept flashing over the screen—disasters in other countries, other murders, Jonbenet Ramsey [because we don’t have enough current tragedy and drama, we gotta keep dredging through stuff that happened when I was freshman in college]. The way our society operates makes me look sane!
Tomorrow we are heading to Missouri for a very, very quick trip. We are going to go see my Aunt (my mom’s mentally handicapped sister who lives in a group home). We are going directly there and then coming back. I will get to see my ‘little-sister’ and my lifetime bff (who I haven’t seen in nearly four years). While I am excited to see them, I always get so nervous seeing people, even those I love so much. I wish I were thinner, happier, had some accomplishments—not that either of them care a lick about any of that, but still. Plus, I HATE going back to Missouri. Only love for my mom could make me undertake this trip (another reason I didn’t wanna start writing today).
Positive notes? Next week, I am going to spend a couple nights in Glennwood Springs with the adorable boy I’ve spoken of before and then upon returning, I am heading to Longmont next Sunday (not this one) to go skydiving. I haven’t been in several years. MS and her husband gave it to me for my birthday—her husband is going to be my tandem master. I’m not sure how that will go since I am twice the size of him, but I you don’t turn down leaping from a plane! Yay! So, see, I can be positive!