Saturday, July 24, 2010


It’s over. The cakes were made yesterday. They were eaten, smashed by a now one-year old, or sent home with family and [what do you call the other side of the family when they’re not family and they aren’t married?] family. For the most part, I was very happy with how the cakes turned out {you can look at them on facebook}. Very much worth the eleven hours I spent on them yesterday. I am so in love with that little boy.
I am a little sad that I have a date tomorrow instead of last night. After a full day eating icing (a little for the cake, a little for me, a little for the cake, a lit. . . ) yesterday, and then more cake today, I am as big as the whale that just jumped on that ship [you MUST look that up on internet, crazy].
“Hello, extremely hot boy who I don’t understand why you looked at me twice; why of course you can use my fat roll as an armrest during the movie. Yeah, I do that sometime—just wipe up the sweat with some napkins or popcorn, it’s probably gonna taste like butter anyway…”
I had a horrible {HORRIBLE} dream last night. However, on one hand, it was better than what I normally dream about (need not be named). I woke up at seven or so and lay in bed. I wanted more sleep but couldn’t. I got up, went to the couch and snuggled with Dunkyn. Worked like a charm [I hate that I have to get OUT of bed to snuggle—wtf]. However, in that hour, I had a dream that seems to take all night {strange how that happens}.
You may have heard me talk about my older neighbor. The single woman who is a little too concerned with my dogs’ welfare. The one that made my brother and I scream and cry that night we were both sobbing in the car and we thought she was an ax murder. (Yeah, that one.) In this dream, we lived together. In the house I live in now. In my dream, it was her house [she owned it, instead of me], but had agreed to let me live in the main floor and she would take the basement. The house looked just like it does in reality. Soon, into the dream, she doesn’t approve of me going out with other people {by mid-dream, I realize she has a crush on me}. Each time I go out with someone and come home, she has taken over a room of my house and altered it to her liking. (And, let me tell ya, apparently she likes some crazy old-woman shit—it was awful.) However, I [being my typical self] felt guilty and didn’t want to hurt her feelings. By the time there were only two rooms left the way I have them now, I decided it was time to confront her. I did and she freaked out and ran into the bedroom. By the time I had gotten in there, she had completely redecorated {ruined} my bedroom. I stood there in sickening disgust. It was this helpless, depressing feeling that my home was being destroyed in front of my eyes and I was powerless to do anything about it. I left the bedroom to confront her once more. Before I could, as I stepped into the living room (the final room), she had altered my whole living room [it seems in dream world, old ladies are very speedy interior decorators {term used loosely}. I was completely devastated. My emotions in my dream were as if everything I loved had been ripped from me. As I turn to her (I have no idea if I was going to confront or beg), I find her on the couch, screaming at me. She is naked and is waving one huge, saggy, flat breast at me, the nipple gargantuan [even on guys, I like small nipples {you should know, just in case you are going to special order me one (Foreskin yes, big nipples no)}]. As she waved her horrid breast at me, emotions continuing to spiral downward, I woke up. I was depressed for a good two or three hours after. (If there was ever any chance I might turn straight, it is gone now forever.)

No comments: