Sunday, July 04, 2010

Day of Reckoning

The 4th of July. Independence Day. My thoughts, naturally go towards. . . Independence. Original, I know. However, being me (grrrr), they also go to past 4th of Julys and then begin to wonder if they are remembered and missed by him as well. Then I want to shake myself and headbang a brick wall.

So, the goal for today: Truly experience some independence from the grief, from the thoughts, missing him, even from hoping good things for him. Have it not be. Focus just on the minute I am in, enjoying the people around me, pretend to have genuine hope and excitement for the future—pretend enough, you can fool yourself on anything, which would be a good thing.

In the vein, as the fireworks fill the sky tonight, I will force myself to give a brief moment of thanks for what I’ve had and what I’ve lost and then leave it there. Then sent a prayer and intention to rediscovering life again. Then sit back, take countless endless pictures of my nephew’s first 4th of July, enjoy being in the presence of my ‘little sister,’ and smile

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