So, here’s the deal. I’d rather be writing. Even this morning in the shower, my brain took off on storyline ideas for the short ghost story I started well over a year ago. I want to go to the gym, sit down and do some frantic planning, and then head to the coffee shop and write until afternoon.
However... I am soooooo excited to see my kids! I really have missed them, and not just kids in general, but specific things about each of them (well, the majority of them—there a few that I care about but don’t actually miss in the same way).
There are a couple (well, one actually) things going on at work that have me nearly nauseous. Things I’m not stupid enough to talk about online. It’s one thing to throw all my own shit to world and let them judge me pathetic, weak, slut, juvenile, delusional, whatever—it’s a whole other thing to do that with my professional life and, while for sanity, I really need to go there, I won’t. It’s enough to say that I’ve had trouble falling asleep the past two nights, partly due to a fever (I’m so sick of constantly being sick!) but mainly due to not being able to turn my brain off of certain work extravaganzas. Joy.
Eclipsing all of that. . . My kids are back!!!!!! I get to see them every day again. We get to do our best to make progress in learning to read and control our homicidal tendencies! (Oh, yeah, and learn math too----yawn.)
And again, through it all, all the things I would change, all the reasons I take my stupid little pill, all the things that stab at me and cause me to choose numbness when possible, I am so thankful for my job, for my chance to be with this amazing kids every day.
Maybe it’s akin to loving the piranhas that eat your skin as you pet them. Maybe. Their teeth are just so damned cute, though!
Black Coffee Tables
1 year ago