I made three discoveries yesterday. Discoveries isn’t the right word, but whatever:
1. Things with Mr. Big, Tall, and Gorgeous are never going to be more than just dates and having fun together. I can’t even give the unabridged list of reasons, it was just a moment when we were together last night that it was crystal clear. Nothing that anyone did wrong, just a truth that suddenly glowed brightly. So brightly that I don’t see how he wouldn’t have seen or felt it at the exact same time. As you know, I haven’t really had my hopes up, but that realization is never fun. Granted, I could be wrong. But, I’m not.
2. More than a discovery, I guess it was more of a confirmation. I handle things differently than most, especially regarding my heart/love/break-up/etc. Without detail, life showed me plainly that others are ‘stronger’ in this area than I. What has taken nearly two years for me (am I’m not there yet) other’s process in a matter of minutes (comparatively). I’d like to say most haven’t had the level of love/happiness/etc. that I did and that is why. However, I have a sneaking suspicion, it’s me that is missing some. . . thing (I don’t even know what it is—strength, sanity, resilience), not the other way around. [Britney’s new song, while nowhere near the top of her best list, triggered me hugely—you wouldn’t believe the amount of celebration HWMNBN and I did whenever she released a new song—or, God-forbid, a new album. He was celebrating elsewhere sans me.—and No, this is not the source of discovery number two.] And, I didn’t sit and dwell on it. It was numb realization, but realization nonetheless.
3. One of my water frogs is a mutant, or X-Man or something, which I guess is redundant. Last week, I couldn’t find the larger of my two water frogs, Hermione. These are the water frogs that live in water, they don’t go back and forth. Finally, I decided, she must have gotten eaten by Salazar, the salamander. Then, one day, she was swimming around again. Once more, yesterday, I couldn’t find her. Then, a motion in the corner of the tank caught my eye. She was sitting underneath one of the plants, lounging lazily on some moss. I’m pretty sure I screamed when I threw open the tank, chastising voraciously, and tossed her back into her little pond. Later, after discovery number one, I watched in astounded horror as she climbed slowly, almost painfully out of the water, over a log and up a plant. Yes, UP a plant. Not with sticky feet, water frogs don’t have those, but ‘branch’ by ‘branch’ as you or I would climb a tree (if I had any desire to climb a tree, I don’t). I also noticed that her skin is much, much darker all of the sudden, when I compared her to her friend, Luna. It was like walking in and finding one of your goldfish laying by your stove trying to make tea, or masturbating or something. Not sure why, but it was very disturbing. I’m not sure what little creature I have in my home. If you hear that I was murdered in some mysterious fashion, please tell the police that a certain Hermione Granger may be responsible.
Black Coffee Tables
1 year ago