Glutton

I have stopped sobbing now, so I can over-share with the world of the internet. Chad and I just had our weekly Wednesday Top Model night. It is the highlight of my week. The best night of the week and the most painful. I broke when I was taking him home. I so don’t want him to see me cry. At first, because I knew that wouldn’t make him want to come back. Well, he’s not going to come back. Now, I don’t want him to see him cry because it hurts him. He is over me. Fully. Completely over me. He is fine. He has moved on. He is content with how his life is without me. He still loves and cares for me, but he is over me. And, right now, he is simply taking care of me. I don’t get it, as much as I try, I really just can’t grasp what I am missing. How was he so miserable and I had no idea while I was so happy? How can it go from something to deep, real, intense, and meaningful to me to what it is now? How do let it go? How do I let go and not lose him more than I already have?