pray twice

I’ve been asking for your prayers that Chad would find his way back to me. Of course, I still ask that you would keep that request in your prayers. However, I have another one as well. It can be linked to the first request or separate, however you feel led. I need some help. Every day is getting worse and harder. I didn’t know I was capable of hurting so much. For those of you who remember my grandmother’s death and what a huge deal for me that was (the biggest of my life so far, especially where God is concerned), this is equal. At times even harder. At least grandma didn’t choose to leave me. People keep saying they are sorry to hear about my breakup. And, I know that is exactly what it is, however, that is not at all what it was to me. Chad quit being my ‘boyfriend’ well over a year ago. In every faucet of my mind, he was the one I was going to spend my life with. I knew he wasn’t ready to make that leap, but I was, and I thought he would be there one day as well. The total direction of my life and every aspect in it has been flipped overnight. Every plan I made, every dream I longed for (even the ones about me getting published) had Chad in them, and how all of it would affect him, me, and us. In my mind, we were one. I know many would call that foolish. Go ahead, I never claimed to be anything other. And I know, this sounds morbid, but you don’t need to worry about me doing anything stupid. It’s not like that; I’m not eyeing the kitchen knives or anything. However, I do need your prayers. I need some relief. I figured, even if Chad didn’t come back, each day would get a little easier. Instead, each day is one more day he chooses everything else but me, every day is another day that takes him further and further away. Every day my hurt goes deeper. So please, pray for some relief, some sanity. Pray for both of us, that we walk the paths we are meant to, and that God would grant his peace, wisdom, and clarity to each of us. Thank you.