Crash

Today was the first day I have really been able to feel anger about the whole thing. I was angry at being left, angry at losing all we had, angry for him not being willing to stay and figgure things out together, angry I hadn't heard from him since Saturday. I didn't want to be angry, but it was kinda nice. It helped me not only feel the hurt.
I had dinner plans to be with P. & C. R-L and their daugther tonight. They are amazing people (and some of Chad's favorite of my friends). They were the first people I was able to ask to pray for Chad and I who I knew would actually pray for us, not about us.
After school, I headed to the gym. I was about five blocks away, when I stopped behind this pickup truck on 88th and Wadsworth at a red light. After a few moments, I felt somthing slam into the back of my car, my car fly forward and crash into the truck in front, pushing it into the intersection. Everything shattered around me: glass, air bags, things from the back seat. Long story short, I am truly lukcy to be alive. A witness said the truck behind me was weaving in and out of traffic and didn't even slow down. (I couldn't help but feel sorry for the driver, he said he just glanced away and then hit us; he was in tears and so concerned for us.) The trunk of my car crumpled into the body of my car, and the hood smashed and conected with the truck in front. The front window shattered but stayed in place, the rear exploded, I have several cuts in the back of my head and one in front (you can't even seen them now). The driver's seat was broken and would not sit back up. A couple of the doors would no longer open. (I will post pictures on facebook soon if someone wants to see them.) The car is totalled. I only have liablity, but fortunatley, the man who it me has insurance. However, I am sure I won't get much for my junk car. At least not enough to get another one, so I'm not sure how that will play out. I guess it is doubly good I got the massage room ready for business yesterday since I am now paying the mortage alone. I have a burn on my arm and a few small bruises on my ribs, legs, hips, but nothing serious. Truly, it is a miracle I am alive, let alone no broken bones!
Of course, I wasn't upset about the car. My first thoughts were of Chad. How he wouldn't be with me. How he would have taken care of me. When I got to mom and dad's, I texted him the pictures. He texted and asked if I was ok and if I needed anything. I, of course, like a wimp, asked him to call me. I just wanted to hear him. At this point all anger was gone. I just wanted the man I love. Needed to hear him. He called within minutes and was very sweet. I so wanted him to rush over and be with me, to hold me, to tell me everything would be fine. How much do I sound like a damsle in distress? I know, pathetic. Of course, he didn't rush over, I'm not his boyfriend any longer, why would he? However, he did text later tonight to make sure I'm ok. And he is buying me dinner on Wednesday, which is sweet.
I am thankful that I am ok. I could care less about the car. I am thankful Chad still cares about me. I wish he could/would be here with me.